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The Weirdest Toys Made

Everyone can remember weird toys form their childhood. I’m not sure I saw any as weird as the toys on the list, but maybe I just lived a sheltered existence. Read on for some of the most bizarre toys ever made.

Tanky Wanky

Yes, this is a Tellytubby whose head has been transplanted into a tank. Sold in China, all I can think is that Tellytubbies must have a very different message there!



This bizarre toy is supposed to let you make your own faeces shaped dough balls. Unlike other doughy, gooey products it’s not made from silicone or plastics, but from wheat, meaning gluten intolerant kids could come out in hives, headaches, breathing difficulties and even life-threatening anaphylaxis. Fun for everyone!


Tuttuki Bako Digital Pet

Tuttuki Bako was launched in 2008 by Bandai and is based on the virtual pet model started by Tamagotchi ten years earlier. The principle is the same, except instead of pushing buttons you have to touch your pet to show affection, by putting your finger through a hole to poke around inside the box. A little bit weird. Ok, it’s really weird.


Playmobil Safe Cracking Set

Playmobil launched worldwide in 1975 after a few years of development in West Germany. Initially, the figures were based on Native Americans and Knights but soon started to mirror real life with buildings and vehicles allowing you to create your own towns and cities. One of the stranger sets, however, is the safe cracking set, which to an untrained eye like mine seems to be encouraging children to take up a life of crime. Maybe it’s to show that the bad guys always get caught or something, but still a strange one to me.


SpongeBob Squarepants Bikini Bottom Groom and Go Set

SpongeBob has always been a bit weird. Named after Bikini Atoll, which was the site of 23 nuclear weapons tests between 1946 and 1958 which rendered the island uninhabitable, causing residents to live (and die) with the consequences of nuclear fallout, SpongeBob lives at the bottom of the sea where the devices were tested. Yes, he’s a talking sea sponge as well, but we’ll gloss over that and concentrate on this bizarre toy set. Firstly, a toy that mentions grooming is inherently creepy. Second, it’s a play shaving set. Thirdly, it mentions bikini bottoms and shaving together. This. Is. All. Kinds. Of. Messed. Up.


Jolly Chimp

This creepy cymbal-banging chimp can be seen in famous films like 1955’s Rebel Without A Cause, 1977 Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Toy Story 3, as well as featuring in The Simpsons on multiple occasions. It has a severely creepy vibe with bulging eyes, flashing teeth and the weird arm motion. This really is the stuff of nightmares.


Peek a boo Pole Dancing Kit

Tesco, one of the UK’s largest retailers were selling this pole dancing kit when outrage from the press and public made them pull it from their shelves. Aimed at children as young as four, the kit contained a pole that extended to 8′ 6″, a DVD containing suggestive dance moves, a “sexy” garter and fake money to presumably stuff in the garter or whatever other clothing the child might be wearing. Mind-blowingly creepy, and not doing anything for stopping the UK’s worldwide reputation.

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